Today I am THRILLED to share a bit of my new friend Kristin’s adoption story with you! She is a fellow blogger (check it out here!) and an adoptive mama to three beautiful children! Not only that, but she has written a book called, Peace in the Process that I encourage you to check out!

In this piece she addresses the very common fears that come along with open adoption and how her family is navigating this relationship. I hope this is a blessing to you!

Facing the Fear of Open Adoption

One Sunday when Rachel – my youngest of three kids, all of whom came into our family through adoption – was just a couple weeks old, we sang “Oceans” during worship. I’d never really attached to the song like so many other Christians I know did. But that morning, the song fell on me fresh.

“Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders / Let me walk upon the waters / Wherever You would call me / Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander / And my faith will be made stronger / In the presence of my Savior”

I couldn’t get the phrase “trust without borders” out of my head. I love when God does that. I love knowing He can take words I’ve heard hundreds of times before and make them sound brand new.

Trust without borders.

That’s what I want – in all areas of my life. But I had been thinking about my relationship with Rachel’s birth mom, Stacy. I was no stranger to open adoption, but the post-birth interaction with Stacy was different than our other experiences. My emotions about the grief intertwined with joy in adoption spill over more easily now.

In those weeks right after Rachel’s birth, I wanted to mother my baby’s birth mom after she confided in me via text and trusted me with the details of her life. We got together for the first time since Rachel’s birth for about an hour at a local coffee shop not long before Rachel’s first Thanksgiving.

In those days while we were waiting to finalize Rachel’s adoption, Stacy and her boyfriend were having trouble. Emotions and drug use compounded already dire circumstances. Without going into details of various situations, for their privacy and because I don’t know the whole story, the boyfriend ended up in jail for about a year and Stacy later unexpectedly lost custody of her two kids.

I love these people and I was heartbroken for them. I directed her to counseling and prayed for them all. I wanted to buy her groceries, help her find a job, and encourage her to do what she needed to do to regain custody of her two kids. With my third baby in my arms, I didn’t know what that meant for my relationship with Stacy.

Stacy told me how those first months after the delivery were hard for reasons related to adoption in addition to all her other circumstances:

“The first couple of months were very hard and I didn’t know how to get past it. I was scared Rachel would feel like I abandoned her, but what helped me was knowing this was part of God’s plan and He brought all of us together for a reason. I missed her, but I knew it was the best option for everyone and that’s what was most important.”

We were brought together, and I wanted to be there for her. Prayers may not seem tangible, but they’re gifts. Giving her money or groceries or a ride somewhere is easy compared to navigating an actual relationship. I’m open to having a relationship with her even though I have absolutely no idea what that will look like. I’m guessing it’s always going to look different from season to season and different from any other relationship I have.

I believe this is where God is calling me, so I need to go there. And I can only go there with God. My human self wants a plan the details of the future. But when I trust the One who orchestrated this relationship, my faith becomes stronger and deeper – and going into the unknown becomes possible.

I’m the kind of girl who wants every relationship I’ve ever had to remain. I want to be friends forever with everyone. As I’m growing up, I realize that isn’t how every relationship should be. Adoption magnifies that idea with its unique relationships, but it also opens the door to a ministry of being able to help someone in a way not otherwise possible.

This may have been our third adoption, but I saw this generosity in adoption in a new light.

Our adoptions are open in the sense that the birth moms know our names and have our contact information. I send updates about the kids and I’m Facebook friends with two of them. But after the babies were born and final papers signed, we all settled back into our lives. The conversations between us are fewer now and we don’t make plans to show up at appointments together anymore.

Stacy wanted monthly visits after Rachel was born, which was fine with me. In Rachel’s first year, we saw each other five times and then again when Rachel was about eighteen months old.

In a booth at Subway, I watched them together when Rachel was eighteen months old. I saw a beautiful, striking physical resemblance as Rachel shared Stacy’s Doritos. Their circumstances and life situations are vastly different, but their eyes, nose, and smile are the same. Even though people are always amazed at how my family physically fits together, I’m grateful to see evidence of their connection, regardless of what happens with our relationship as Rachel grows up.

My continued relationship with Stacy brings to mind what Psalm 68:6 says, “God places the lonely in families …” and makes me realize how true that is. Yes, God has placed three children who needed families in our family. But he also put three birth moms in our lives. They may not do everyday life with us, but they’re prayed for regularly and remembered gratefully.

Because of adoption they have someone else on their side in life.

This is a slightly edited excerpt from “Peace in the Process: How Adoption Built My Faith & My Family” by Kristin Hill Taylor. Kristin believes in seeking God as the author of every story and loves swapping these stories with friends on her porch. She lives in Murray, Kentucky, with her husband and three kids. She writes regularly at kristinhilltaylor.com.

Book link – bit.ly/PeaceInTheProcess

For more about open adoption and the relationships that come through it check out A Tribute to Our Birth Mothers